Banana Cake & The master chef!

I made banana cake tonight.... I never use a recipe for banana cake, and its never the same as any I have made before... I kinda just throw things in and make it up as I go along... and then I bung it in the oven and wait, never knowing whether the outcome will be edible or not.... so far it has always been super tasty, but when I think about it, its quite a gamble, and I am sitting in the kitchen right now, waiting, smelling gorgeous smells of banana mixed with roasting pecans - but all the while I am well aware that because I just made it up, I could open the oven to reveal a total flop...

As I sit here with NO knowledge of what the outcome will be, I find myself thinking how grateful I am that God doesn't take this flippant approach to our lives. He is the ultimate master chef - He doesn't just throw a bunch of different things into our lives and 'hope' that we turn out ok!! And He certainly doesn't sit on the edge of His chair, waiting expectantly for the timer to go off so that He can check in on us to see how we're getting on! Our Master Chef not doesn't follow a recipe for our live's either, in fact - He invents the recipe - and the recipe He creates is not a simple one, it is an intricate recipe, one that, if followed by us, will result in beauty, and we will certainly 'Taste & see that the Lord is good!' 

The bible says that the 'recipe' God created for each of us began before we even came into this world - that's kinda like a chef making a recipe that included ingredients that don't even exist yet!!! That would require some seriously amazing creativity - creativity which is beyond anyone. Psalm 139:16 says: "Your eyes saw my unformed body, all the days ordained for me were written in Your book, before even one of them came to be." - How awesome that God not only thought of us before we existed, but he also had our 'recipe' all planned out.(Quite a contrast to my baking, its normally spur of the moment, and it is almost never planned - I often get half way through making something only to find I don't have the ingredients I need!) Not only that, but He also knew that EVERYTHING He put into our lives as Christians would work out for OUR good. Romans 8:28 - And we know that in ALL things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose!  - Again, very unlike me, half the time I am not convinced that what I chuck in will really enhance the banana cake...I just 'hope' it does!

He leaves nothing to chance, He is a involved in every part of the process....When I bake, I rely on beaters, self raising flour, my oven.... now that I think of it, I have VERY little to do with the outcome - But God is not only the Chef, He is the whole recipe book - holding in Him the recipe for each of our lives, He not only creates us - He IS the raising agent, He is the mixer, He is the oven - He is every thing that makes us possible - He is everything that makes us beautiful! Without Him, we are nothing! 

He is our beginning - For You created my inmost being, You knit me together in my mothers womb. Psalm 139:13 ... and He is our refining Fire - 'This third I will put into the fire; I will refine them like silver and test them like gold....' Zechariah 13:9 - He never walks away from the 'oven' and forgets about us - I do this all the time to my cakes - the result is never pretty when I forget I am baking in the first place!! God never leaves us alone, He never neglects or forgets us. 'No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses so I will be with you; I will NEVER leave you nor forsake you!' Joshua 1:5 

I am so grateful that I am not something that God left to 'chance'. I am so glad that He purposefully and intricately designed me, that He thought me out, planned me, refined me, and never will leave me!! The only thing that was in my hands, was the choice of whether to trust Him or not. Whether to follow my own sinful heart, sinful desires - my own plan for my own life, or to choose to trust and follow the ultimate Master Chef, the One whose plans for my life are good and perfect. 

Hmmmm.... well, judging by how irresponsibly I bake, chucking things in here and there...never knowing how long to leave the cake in the oven, sometimes even forgetting its in there... I think I made the right decision in putting my life in His hands, and choosing to let Him mould me, guide me & make me into the beautiful woman of God He has already planned for me to be! 

I have just pulled my banana cake out of the oven, it smells gorgeous, and looks delicious. The pictures dont quite do it justice. But all I can think is, if my throwing things together without any idea of what I am doing can result in something so scrumptious and beautiful...How much more beautiful will we be if we allow God the be the Chef in our lives. He has it all planned out...intricately. He doesn't make it up as He goes along...and on top of that... He deeply cares about the outcome. Deeply cares. One final thought - I plan to give the banana cake away...it gives me Joy to share yummy things with my friends, and not much satisfaction comes from keeping it to myself - and the same applies to the Master Chef - When His goodness is shared and declared it brings Him joy - it is the purpose He created us for in the first place, that He may get the glory He deserves for His never ending goodness, that the world may know what He has done for us!! So never stop sharing what He has done for you!! And give Him all the glory for the 'Banana Cake' He is making out of you!!

Covered by Him...

Its snowing beautiful white snow! I never tire of it! Everyone gets fed up with it and I just get more and more fascinated with it. I think snow is one of Gods most incredible displays, and I wouldn't be surprised if He came up with the idea of snow just to give us an amazing natural analogy of what Jesus did for us on the cross.

Isaiah 1:18 says ..."though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be white as snow, though they are red like crimson, they shall be like wool!" - It makes me smile, because in my mind I imagine all these people in Jesus' day, who knew the old testament scriptures, having this kind of  "Aha!" moment after they realised what Jesus' crucifixion meant for them and then making the connection with what the Lord had said in Isaiah!

It is SO simple but yet SO VERY PROFOUND because in midwinter, when everything is grey and bleak and the cold is wearying, God comes along and covers everything with the purest white you will ever see, a blanket of fresh snow. And when it well and truly snows, the old is certainly gone, you cannot see anything but the purity and beauty of the snow - and in the same way, the realization of our sinfulness and our repentance of that sin (that grey, bleak midwinter of our lives) is followed by Gods grace covering us with the blood of Jesus, making us 'white as snow'. So that when God looks at us, He sees nothing of our old sinful selves, but rather, He sees Jesus. (2 Cor 5:17 - "Therefore if anyone is in Christ, the old has GONE and the new has come."). And Gods amazing analogy doesn't even stop there... because in the same way that snow melts to reveal the beginnings of spring, fresh green grass & colourful beauty - so our new lives with Him begin, and as we seek God in the new life, so our lives will display the fruit and beauty of our relationship with Him! The beauty of spring! Gods analogies are the BEST!!!!

"The winter of my life" is a phrase often used to describe the last phase of a persons life.... I beg to differ, winter is only the beginning!!!  Our lives only begin when we are washed white as snow!!! Before that... we are  'dead in our transgressions' - Just like Ephesians 2:4-5 says "But because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy - made us alive in Christ, even though we were dead in our transgressions - it is by grace you have been saved." 

God has been using the whiteness of snow as an example of what Jesus did for us since the Old testament... And this picture still affects me deeply today, every time I see snow, I am reminded of that verse in Isaiah...  I pray that the reality of what Jesus has done for you hits, every time a snowstorm does! 

Craving Correction & Practising God's Presence

'As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another' Proverbs 27:17

I don't know if it comes with age, or if its just something that comes with the realization that there is so much in my life that I need to work on, but I find myself craving correction more and more. By that I mean that I long for people to challenge me and correct the way I think and act - I love it when people are bold enough to tell me where I am going wrong, but I love it even more when they explain that, and are purposeful in it, and are practical by explaining how that problem or issue can be overcome. 

I learn more about my sinful self everyday, but there is still so much I am unaware of, and I am grateful that those things that I don't notice in myself, can be pointed out by others. Its a wonderful moment when God confronts you on things you did not know were an issue! There is excitement in finding a new area to grow and improve on. I don't want to be stagnant in my faith, I want to be constantly growing...constantly learning... there is so much to learn! I am becoming increasingly aware of how incredibly selfish I am, and its not until someone forces me to dissect my thoughts that I realize it! I thank God for His grace and patience in every aspect of my life, I am a S-L-O-W learner, but He remains faithful, always loving and always true! I believe He is really stretching me in the area of  dependence. Because recently so many of my actions have been highlighted as seeking approval & validation from people, rather than Him. Today I saw that I have a fear of abandonment that runs deep - one that causes me to rely way too heavily on what others think of me, and how I react to that. And in thinking about it, I cannot believe how many of my actions are driven by my 'need' for people to like me, to be 'ok' with me and not to leave me! And also driven by the thought that being a good friend to everyone somehow validates me as a person! How insane!

Its hard when you truly and honestly examine yourself and realize that some of your 'good' actions, have bad motives... It makes you feel like you have wasted so much... like any good that you have done has been worthless! But I have come to the conclusion, that this is not so, God used my selfish attempts to love and care for people (even though my motives were not always pure) because He is a God of grace! BUT - God wants me to move on from my selfish ways! And He also is a God of freedom, who does NOT want to see me bound by these chains of approval addiction, need for validation and fear of abandonment. He wants me to be free, He wants me to remember that I am approved by HIM.. and to be able to love out of a pure heart, love without needing love in return...Love, not for myself, but for Him. Love, knowing that He is my identity, my passion, my desire, NOTHING else. What a freeing and liberating thought!!

Someone shared with me today about how we need to 'Practice God's Presence'. I thought I did, but the more I thought about it and the more she talked about it, I realised I completely deny God's presence in some areas of my life. Like in the area of reaching out and loving others... I just assume that because its a nice thing to do, that it would be what God wants me to do.... and He does call us to love... but I should be turning every thought and action over to Him, even if I, in all my lack of wisdom, think I know what's right. 

I think that if I had been practising God's presence in all areas of my life, then I would not be in this position of selfish ambition that I find myself right now.  

God challenged me hugely today.... it kind of went like this - 'Erica, how do you expect to know and feel how much I love you, if you are running after the love of other people!' 'No wonder your'e exhausted!' - 'Come to me!' 'Seek me'. 

It IS exhausting running around trying to find your value in others...even if you don't realise you are doing it! I have decided to stop!!! I have decided to remember who is the author and creator, who is the first and the last, beginning and the end. I am challenged to be more purposeful in practising His presence...ESPECIALLY in the areas I think I don't need to - because those are clearly the most dangerous areas of all! I still crave correction... and I desperately want to change and grow in every area of my faith! I want people who know me to be able to say - She HAS grown, she HAS changed, so that I can say 'Only by the grace of God!' ..I am approved by God, and I need to live it.- I want people to know the full EXTENT of my sinfulness, so they can get a clear picture of how HUGE the grace of God truly is! I want to Glorify God with my life - and I want to know when I am not doing that. I am grateful for the people bold enough to show me areas that I need to work on! 

God is Good.

If the world hates you....

John 15:18-19 - “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. 

If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.

Over the past two months a situation has unfolded in my life, and I have become the focal point of a few people's anger, and hatred. The main reason being my faith in Jesus Christ. I was faced with the decision of 'taking a stand for my faith' or 'keeping the peace'. I found it really hard to know what to do as the bible mentions both as being positive things to do. So I had to ask myself a question Paul asks in Galatians 6:10 - Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. It made me realize that in this case, keeping the peace would be simply to please those around me, and it would be at the expense of being silent about my faith...which is one thing I swore I would never do - so I took a stand. All of a sudden, I was hated, by someone I had stepped out for, and reached out to...I always wondered how I would react in this kind of situation, and I really liked to think that I would react in love, courage and strength! But I disappointed myself when I only responded in hurt, and anger. I kept asking 'Lord, what have I done wrong? I have shown love, I have tried to do right, I am not lashing out - what more can I do?' - And the first thing that sprung to mind was the verse at the top of this post. John 15:18 - Its one I memorized 2 years ago, and I dont often think about it if I am honest. But all of a sudden, its become my constant comfort throughout this situation. The 'world' hates me.... but it hated Jesus first. My Jesus, my perfect saviour, the man who laid down His life for me. Perfect in kindness, perfect in humility, perfect in love - this wonderful man was HATED. And yet, I seem surprised when I am?? Me, this imperfect, selfish, impatient human being! How much easier is it to hate me...than Jesus. When I think about the pain and hurt I have felt in this situation (not only for myself, but also for another person it has affected) - all I can think about is how much pain and anguish my Jesus must have felt as he lay nailed to that cross for me, all the while knowing that I would reject Him time and time again. Knowing that I would hurt Him and turn away from Him several times before I began to understand what He had done for me. My hurt, my pain - its nothing in comparison. He knew the pain He was going to experience, He knew I would reject Him, but he still walked into that pain for me! And for that very reason, I should be willing to walk into pain for Him. Not fearing the consequence, rejection, pain and hurt that lies ahead of me...but instead, focussing on the joy that awaits me when I know I took a stand for the one thing I hold dearest - My faith!

I was determined to hold firm to this decision, and it is becoming increasingly difficult, as the things being said about me come back to me, as I learn that as I try to show love it is being returned by lies being said about my faith...and the more my words are twisted. It is such a frustrating situation to be in, why is it the nicer I attempt to be the harder this situation becomes? Then another verse came to mind - Proverbs 25:21-22 - If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat, if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the LORD will reward you. Makes perfect sense! I was encouraged to be reminded that sometimes having the right attitude will not fix someone elses attitude, as a matter of fact..sometimes it will make others angrier! As of today, the lies and malicious talk continue to fly around...and the situation is ongoing. I am praying for a fresh dose of humility daily...praying that I will continue to hold my tongue, and take this for my faith. I pray daily that God will help me know how to respond to the lies and hurtful comments - and as always, God is faithful...I smiled when I read today's verses in my daily reading:

Matt 5:11-12 - Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

1 Peter 2:15-16 - For it is Gods will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish people. Live as free people, but do not use your freedom as a cover up for evil, live as Gods slaves.

Anyhow, I just wanted to encourage you all - that when you are being targeted because of your faith, even in a small way - to keep running to God to restore your strength, and to daily try and focus on him, and not get carried away with the pettiness and malicious talk. I want to encourage you to set yourself apart from  the world and never compromise your faith. It will hurt, but its nothing in comparison to the hurt God felt for us. I also want you to praise God when you are persecuted in small ways, praise Him and thank Him that you are not in a situation of persecution as dangerous as alot of christians around the world. Also, amidst your hurtful situation, maybe you are losing friendships, or family relationships over your faith, or your name is being dragged through the ground, just remember in prayer, those whose lives are at risk for the same faith. Pray for their hurt...as they watch each other be killed, or tortured. A little perspective has helped me in my situation so much! 

Much love, 

Erica 

We're Engaged!

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 Two are better than one because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. 

There is nothing more surreal, than having the man you love asking you to spend the rest of your life with him. Its a combination of shock, joy, fear, elation & hope. The shock is from pure disbelief that I am loved enough by this incredible person for him to actually want to marry me. The joy of knowing that I get to spend the rest of my life getting to know him, enjoying his company & growing in our friendship. The fear of failing him...which is inevitable. And the hope that this moment is as special for him, as it is for me. God has given me many, many wonderful gifts. God has provided me with so much. But aside from my salvation, never, have I felt as overwhelmed with gratitude to God as I did the moment Jonny proposed to me. I was humbled to know that despite my inadequacies, despite my selfishness and shortfalls - despite all the ugliness in my heart, that God still loves me enough to bless me with this wonderful gift of a man, and Jonny still loves me enough to want to love me more, and for longer! With every new stage of life, comes the question 'surely I am not ready for this??'- I asked this question when I left school, left home, left my country, began working in ministry, and when I became engaged. When I think about it I realize I was not ready for any of those things. We never are really. Deep down I still feel like a 12 year old girl who has no idea what she is doing. But God gives me what I need to handle each new day, He equips me for each journey. He gives me more than I could ever hope for. Strength, patience, courage, love....he is a generous God.

Humility - True Greatness!

Humility... I am so desperately seeking it. Seeking daily to throw off my pride. So many situations this week could have done with me responding in humility, rather than the pride I chose instead. No matter how injust, or unfair a situation is, I know that as christians, we are called to always respond in humility. And I am so humbled (excuse the pun) by this, because I fall so so short. There are three reasons, well, three main reasons that I seek humility... Firstly, I want to be like my Jesus, and He, despite being God, humbled Himself to becoming a servant. Secondly - The bible tells us to be humble - both these points are made clear by this passage: Phil 2:3 - Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:Who being in very nature God, did not consider equatlity with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, and being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death - even death on a cross! The third reason I seek humility is because of a verse in Isaiah. A verse that just amazes me, because, it shows that humility draws the gaze of God. It draws the gaze of our sovereign God! Isaiah 66:2 says - This is the one to whom I will look: He who is humble and contrite in spirit and trembles at my word! So, to be clear, I seek humility because 1)God asks me to be humble. 2)Jesus was humble, and I want to be like Him. 3)Humility draws the gaze of God! When I see someone behaving like they are above the rules, or who have no respect for authority, I just want to give them a mouthful. Pride. When I have to be made to feel that my part in my job is not as important as the next persons, I want to tell them to stop being so prideful...but wait...thats pride. pride pride pride. I dont want to be that person that speaks her mind, says what she thinks, lets you know when she doesnt like something. (Although there is a place for gentle rebuke!)  I want to be content in my silence. Content to be hard done by as our Lord was, with the results of being a witness of what a wonderful God I serve. I want to be humble, I want to be able to swallow my pride all the time. I want to be able to swallow my hurt sometimes, instead of feeling the need to bite back all the time. I wish I could call pride a thing of the past...but unfortunately, its is one of those sinful things, that we can never ever say we have overcome, because as soon as we say that, its back again.  I am praying for a humility which realizes its ignorance, admits its mistakes, recognizes its needs, welcomes advice, accepts rebuke. I pray that I can have humility enough to praise instead of criticize, sympathize rather than discourage, build rather than destroy, and to think of people at their best, rather than their worst. If God has taught me anything about humility this week, it is that the only way we can ever be humble is by considering two things, First, Considering God, in His greatness, Glory, holiness and sovereignty - and Secondly, Considering ourselves, in our mean, abject and sinful condition. Only when we truly consider those two things will we ever experience true humility. I continue to fail at humility, but I continue to seek it, and my desire only intensifies. Pray for me as I seek to be humble. Pray for me as I fail to be humble, and choose pride instead. Pray for me as I seek to grow, and pray for me as God throws so many opportunities my way, where I could choose humility...pray that I do!! Pray for me as I pray this prayer daily - and perhaps, you pray it too! :

O Jesus, meek and humble of heart, Hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed and loved, Deliver me, From the desire of being extolled and honored, Deliver me,From the desire of being praised, Deliver me,  From the desire of being preferred to others, Deliver me, From the desire of being consulted, approved, Deliver me, From the fear of being humiliated, and despised, From the fear of suffering rebukes, From the fear of being calumniated, of being forgotten, Deliver me, From the fear of being ridiculed, and wronged, Deliver me, From the fear of being suspected, Deliver me, O Jesus.That others may be loved more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. That others may be esteemed more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. That others may be chosen and I set aside, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. That others may be praised and I go unnoticed, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. That others may be preferred to me in everything, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

Step out, feel the wind!

I love the feeling of the wind, especially on days like today, when the wind is so strong you feel like its going to push you over. I love to close my eyes and feel the wind sweep over my face. I love how a strong wind roars so loudly that it drowns out all other sounds. The wind, just like God, is invisible. We cant see it, but we know its there. We can see the effects of it. Feel its touch. Experience its power. When we are in a gust of wind...we cant hear anything but the wind. Just like that, when we are spending time in God, the sound of the world is silenced..we are better able to hear God, and better able to ignore the beckoning of the things of this world. When in the wind..we dont doubt its there. We feel the chill on our skin, we feel the wind flow through our hair - we cannot deny its presence. In the same way, when we are spending time in God, we cannot doubt He is there. We feel His love for us, we know of His protection over us, and we feel the security of His presence. We feel Him in the small things...Hugs from loved ones and friends, the fellowship He blesses us with, the support He provides for us, the strength He gives us. When watching the wind, we see its power, it bends the tallest and strongest of trees, makes them bow down with ease. And like that, we can see God at work, if only we stop and look. We can see Him at work in our lives, in the lives of those around us. But when I step inside my house from being out in the wind, I am immediately cut off from the wind. I cannot hear it anymore. Or feel it. I cannot sense it. The wind is still there...and when I look out my window, I can see it swaying the trees, but from in here, it does not affect me at all. And we so often do the same in our relationship with God. How often do we step away, step away from Gods presence, step away from a place of being focused on Him. We often do it. We watch Him at work from the windows of our lives. We acknowledge Him from a distance. We delight in His power from the safety of our walls, and we miss out on the effects of His power simply because we dont step into His presence. Sometimes we just need to step out...so that we can fully experience His power and love, and be in His presence. Step out today, feel the wind!

Jeremiah 10:12-14 - But God made the earth by his power; he founded the world by his wisdom and stretched out the heavens by his understanding.When he thunders, the waters in the heavens roar; he makes clouds rise from the ends of the earth. He sends lightning with the rain and brings out the wind from his storehouses.